Thursday, February 19, 2015


Last weekend the motek¹ took it upon himself to give me one very special surprise. My only information and curt instruction: pack a small bag for a night.  Me, being who I am, enquired no more - I can't emphasize enough how I love surprises and mystery.

WARNING: This post is both more serious and more playful than previous ones. Bear with me. Or not, and wait for the next, more usual food or travel type of post. Plus, it has notes at the bottom! [my advice: do read them] How weird is this all?

One of the greatest things about being in an open honest relationship (is it polyamory? am I monogam-ish? is this ethical non-monogamy? is the name important?) - well, there's a ton of downsides, but I won't get into that now - is not that you get to receive and get more love. Yes, that's absolutely amazing, but there's a less obvious yet equally as profound benefit: you get to see life differently. I mean, when you meet a partner (say, the huz, in my case), life changes whether you want it or not: you're exposed to another individual that existed and exists independently from you, who looks at the world through their own eyes which are not yours, who sees you through a completely different angle than you could ever look at yourself from. That is bound to change you and, if who you're with is a good, decent, loving person (like the huz!), you'll change for good.

So, what happens when you are in an additional relationship with another interesting, caring, decent human being (like the motek!)? You get yet another intimate glance at life from someone else's viewpoint! I don't know how to express how amazing and important this is for me. Like, I get to understand the world and myself and my relationships to others not just from inside my - sometimes deluded and misinformed - head, but through two different world-views? And on top of that there's the extra loving and caring? Why isn't everybody practising polyamory!? [lots of reasons, no need to ruin the mood by getting into that now]

OK, huge digression, eh? Back to the post's subject! So, in my relationship to the huz, I'm the surpriser, he's the surprisee. That's how it works, that's how I absolutely love it, that's how I'm happy, and I've derived ridiculous amounts of pleasure from this. But this weekend there was this strange role reversal, with me being the surprisee thanks to the motek's rad efforts...

Recipe for a khul baaretz² surprise 

1. Tell the significant autre³ [that's me!] to walk towards the nearest big avenue, as if you were to pick them⁴ up by car. Meet them on the street and give them one single flower (no plastic wrap, please) with the longest of stems. Unusual colours and flowers work best. Like orange tulips.

2. Suggest the significant autre you go for a drink first, before dinner. Mention the bar at a nearby hotel is very good. The tulip will probably have set the significant autre on a very docile and merry mood. That means they'll most probably follow your suggestion. Lead them to the "bar" on one of the upper floors, get off the lift, walking confidently towards the "bar". Enjoy the priceless look of amazement in your significant autre's eyes when they realize you've pulled out a key and are opening the door to the suite for the night. Enjoy the second look of amazement when they see the bottle of sparkling wine on ice and the fresh berries on the table (or whatever nibbles best suit the idiosyncrasies of your significant autre).

3. Don't forget to toast to the city and to the moon before you. From your own private terrace. Then, follow Dan Savage's advice for couples who want to go out for dinner and celebrate. Dan Savage's podcast is one fantastic program, so I'll leave it up to your curiosity to find out what on earth his advice is. Hint: look for Valentine Day's episodes. Warning: Not a podcast for prudes.

4. Take the significant autre to bars and nightclubs. The more scenes you cover, the better, like a kinky bar, a bears bar, a working class bar... Party until you can no more. This step hinges critically on your having followed step 3, by the way.

5. Number five is very hard to pull off. It relies on the stars aligning and that sort of thing. You have to come across, by pure chance, a place that caters to some of your significant other's more difficult quirks. Say, vegan portobello mushroom burgers with mezcal.

6. Never forget - views, whether exterior or interior, are of the essence. Brownie points if followed by a spa experience. Extra brownie points if your significant autre gets a compliment on how hot they look in their swimming gear in the form of a curt "cover yourself with a bathrobe!" from staff.

7. Art is also good for romancing a significant autre. Take them to a contemporary art fair, like Mexico City's Material City. Possibilities are endless - they might find something to buy, or might assist you select something for yourself or, worst case scenario, you can both bond by criticizing this year's artistic selection! Do note that such fairs are magnets for hipsters so, if your significant autre used to have a hipster trait to die for and doesn't anymore (say, they used to sport a long, thick, rich beard which is no more), be aware they'll see plenty of reminders of their newly acquired unhipsterness.

8. Share. Share. Share. Especially the things you love. Like, say, your favourite Polish food place, with an impossibly cold and delicious glass of Żubrówka vodka. Filled to the rim. 

A remarkable weekend, planned by a remarkable person, to make über-odd me happy. A weekend that leaves me with a more complete view of myself from being looked at through the motek's very different, peculiar, very loving eyes. A weekend that leaves me a hopefully more loving, understanding person not just in relationship to him, but to the huz⁵. A weekend that left me feeling one lucky loved man. L'chaim (cheers, na zdrowie, santé, you get the idea..) to the motek.       


¹ motek - Sweetheart in Hebrew. I like this word, it brings good memories, and it's less embarrassing and traditional than boyfriend, so there.
² khul baaretz - A Hebrew play on words, from khutz laaretz, abbreviated as khul, which means outside the country, and baaretz, inside the country. Sort of like "outside the country within the country", or a "staycation".
³ significant autre - Much more romantic sounding than - and still as gender neutral as - "significant other", in my humble opinion.
⁴ them - In the spirit of gender neutrality/inclusivity, I'm adopting they/them/their to refer to a single individual of any gender, instead of exclusively using he/him/his or she/her, or switching back and forth between forms. 
the huz - Make no mistake, me and the huz are going on strong and loving - hence the gazillion posts about us two doing stuff together for almost 14 years. It's the robustness of our love that allows me to welcome into my life a sweet, good, giving person like the motek (and accumulate posts about our stuff too! yay!). Are we clear?   

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